This reminds me of my long deceased spouse. He left me at 48 for s 15 year old. Until he got caught of course. I believed every word he said for twenty years, the last ten I questioned everything.
How how about is this town of Springfield Police Department during a death investigation went to the drug dealers and inform them that they were being ratted out out? Some investigation, do they care about saving people or some other nefarious reasons?
I miss my Dad,
He had the best advice.
Divorced from my mother for forty years, never a bad word.
He’d say when you’re old enough you’ll understand.
My mother the live of his life,
they died eight months apart.
Ripping out what was left of my heart.
John and I were so alone,
Now he’s gone too..
Now I understand truly alone.
For the first time my life I am so happy that I said I told you so. There was so much to love between the two of you nothing could ever make either of you let go. I always said I wanted to live to see the day but I could wrap my arms around my granddaughter One last time and tell her how much I loved her and never stopped and to hug her. I live to see that day!! I live to see the day when she returned to her mother who never stopped mourning for her. I love between the two is palatable! It is like they have always been together even though outside evil forces tore them apart physically. Emotionally they were so bound to each other mother and child. It was a beautiful thing to see 18 years ago is even more beautiful today when she returns. I know my granddaughter must have abandonment issues I see that because so do I. I only wish you could see we didn’t abandon her. It was other people’s feelings of superiority that tore her away from the family that never stopped loving her. That never rejected her that never said we don’t want her. I know her mom and I have cried many nights alone and together about time loss that could never be made up. I have a new goal now to look forward to see my 10-year-old grandson graduate from college lol. Despite his remark you NO I will not be over 100. I am so proud of this daughter life has been rough between us and for us. But all that pain lies an BS have came to light. I have heard to thank for lasting my grief for a man I believed I was married to was really just a mirage. He was a separate person to each one of us he became what he thought each one needed. Not thinking about the whole but thinking about him in the middle, individually selfishly. Certainly not the man I believed I had been grieving for close to 17 years. He taught me how to love he taught me how to grieve. He failed to tell me that he was telling each daughter a different story to make them cleave to him for what reason I have fail to see. I was always the villain the one who was being to him, poisoning him?! Well he was telling me I was the only reason he was alive. Is this a sociopath I do not know. What I do know is the tragic lives he left behind. I often wonder on the other side what did he find? I haven’t forgotten that at 48 he left before a 15-year-old. I realized he was sick then much more than his body could bear. I did not realize he actually made a pact with the devil as he said. I wish that were just another BS line that I had been fed. When telling me he had made a pack with a devil I think it was the most honest thing he had ever said to me. It saddens me to think anyone would go that far to Make his adult daughters dependent on him. When I thought it was always best to raise your children to be strong independent woman. Relying on no one but themselves. They all had the intelligence and the strength to be those independent woman that I always thought they should be. Little did I realize he was telling them the exact opposite that he couldn’t live with me without them? Really what is this I lived with and loved for so many years? I do not know what you call it. I do not know what it is. What I do know is at the stage of my life there will be no more shed tears. I do not warn for you anymore. Because I have no idea who you were before. Did the tragic accident change you or were you always this way? Did I ever know you when you were not on drugs? I have never lived around it I had no point of reference to make a intelligence decision. If I never knew you when you were not taking drugs how was I supposed to recognize that you were an addict? It saddens me to think I put all my trust in you to love my children as much as I do. Real love does not tie something down and it sets them free. Which is what I thought you would always let me be but at what cost My Moe?? I would have rather left your love for me go if you had only love them properly.
Can I see your soul through my eyes? Is that why your eyes don’t meet mine? There is no gazing into each other’s eyes you avoid looking at me directly. I came to despise the avoidances, the lies the excuses perhaps, even you. You thought I would always be there I’m sure. To give whatever love I had to share. What you didn’t realize is someday after many years it was you I would come to despise. You are not half the man I believed you to be. Even if it took me 13 years . I am so grateful for this. Because now I have been set so free. It is almost sad that you no longer mean anything to me. You say you can no longer be my friend because someone else expressed their opinion of you, in regards to your treatment of me? This is almost funny if it weren’t so very sad. There was so much emptiness in your eyes that I didn’t want to see. So my unfriended, friend it is I who can no longer love you or the avoidances off your eyes. I see now why your marriages failed or why son ran so fast away. Are you even capable of such unconditional love to the rest of the world seems to feel? I’m not going to waste my time thinking about you today. I am a very articulate intelligent woman and I deserve so much more than what this wasn’t. I wasted 13 years of my life to learn a lesson that I don’t have enough life left to live with the lesson. I do know somewhere down the line you may regret a love you threw away I love you will never know and not ever in this time. Are some people really born so blank so cold and unforgiving? I thought that had more with a dead and not the living. I was wrong twice the day I thought I fell in love with you and the years I spent on loving you. They say that all life is a lesson but I believe one should have enough life left in them to take that lesson forward with them. So whatever life I may have left you can bet your sweet booty I will be with the best.
Undeniable Signs He’s In Love With You
This is something I just copied and pasted from the web. Thought it was interesting. I think most women know if a man loves them, or not.
1. He listens to you when you talk.
Whenever you feel like a man is genuinely paying attention to what you’re saying, then it’s a good chance that he’s really into you. It’s evident whenever he brings up conversations that you’ve had in the past. It means that he really listens to what you’re saying and makes an effort to remember it.null
2. He puts his phone away whenever you’re together.
You will never find him checking his phone whenever you’re hanging out because you are always the priority. When you’re out on a date, you can be assured that he won’t be browsing through his social media feeds or checking his emails. He would probably only take phone calls from really important people.
3. He has a fondness for showing you off to the world.
He wears you around his arm as if you were part of his outfit. He wants the world to know that you’re his girl and that he couldn’t be happier about it. He will hold your hand in public as if to mark his territory and to let other men know that he’s lucky enough to have you as a date.
4. He pays attention to the littlest details.
He has great attention to detail. Even the simplest things that you mention to him at random moments end up being forever engrained in his memory. He always pays attention when it comes to you and it’s all part of his charm in trying to win your heart.null
How does your loving God allow low such ungodly pain?
Not just for me, but all of the human race?
Knowing I will never hear your voice or see your face again?
I’m so alone and afraid, yes afraid to be so alone. Those I love still breathing do not return the unconditional love I […]. I deserve better.
The heart of. Marlene Handly Stack
I looked in your eyes
Where I lived for 20 years or more, I don’t live there anymore.
Many years have passed, your no longer here. There was a time and place Alden Road and Rockingham, was all I knew all I loved. Defining me into who I now am.
Would it have been better never to have known what I learned there?
What would I have become or defined me, if you’d never have enlightened me..not of love but the terror that finds it’s way into the darkness scaring the very life from me?
Does the Devil exists? My brother knew, he told me..but you..you showed me!!! Now I cling to my brother’s belief The Lord will save me from…the depths you showed me all true a reality. I forbid to see.. I pray you’ve found peace. Not to much to ask for a man as you are..one I dare say I never knew at all..only the projections of what I wanted to believe.. We all grow older if we’re so doomed, to find ourselves, become at peace with all our sins and then a decision comes the one that I’ll choose to be, set free from other’s perception of reality.. Im free to love, forgive myself for the blindness, make peace with my God ,myself. In the end it’s all that’s left. I KNOW without reservation I will be back another life another time, I hope I get it right..
I hope I remember you or lessons taught!! Will it make the walls higher? Or free me to just be happy loving without thee?
In your eyes where I’d lived for twenty years,
I see I don’t live there anymore.
Heartbroken upon the floor, how could you do this? But it matters no more.
Long ago , so far away,
I thought I had a loving family that wouldn’t go away.
I was wrong again ,without any explanation. They suddenly stopped communicating and moved across the country. Completely and totally disowning me. What did I didn’t say,
Love doesn’t look or feel this way. I loved you all then as I do today . You’ve taught me well not to accept being treated this way.
Life is shorter now today , it wasn’t fair for them or me. Time lost I weep for thee. When I’m dead and gone,will they ever know Nanny loved them. Or she really wasn’t crazy on drugs and such.
So God let them know the truth of the women they threw away. How much they are loved, that transendes time and space .I would give anything to have my parents still be here to love and teach me. I’m grateful that I was taught to honor them and love regardlessly. They just weren’t my Dad and Mom, they were people, and did the best they could with what they had. I love and miss them eternally.
I hope someday you’ll actually see, The broken hearts, you succeeded in breaking.
At least you’ll never feel the pain of loving and living, with a hole in your soul, where the cold winds blow.
I often wonder if you were ever capable of loving me at all. I’m glad your happier even when it doesn’t include me.
I have learned to go on and be happy despite this travesty.
I’ve learned the truth of your insane youth. I only hope you don’t recreate this history.
I’ve been lost and found throughout my life, you always rescued me. You & Stub Paronto pulled me from foster homes. My hero, my brother we understood each other, we knew the pain of abandonment by those who brought us into this world. But we started out as three. Maryanne, you and me. From pillar to post, apart physically but always together. We lived through losing Maryanne when I knew I couldn’t, you helped me understand. When Mom took her own life, it was I who carried you through. The darkest of places we ever knew. You were her favorite I understood. I was our father’s favorite, you understood. We vowed space or time, you and I would always be, right or wrong it was our responsibility. Was it the God you always preached to me, who took you so far away. You didn’t want to go and promised me, you wouldn’t leave me alone on earth to face life alone without you. I can’t believe you’re not here on this earth anymore. What kind of loving God could allow such pain inflicted on not just me but all humanity? If you can hear me from where you are, I miss our nightly calls. I miss all the people who once loved me, taken by your God who you said loved all humanity.
I looked in your eyes and see where I’ve lived for twenty years and more.
I don’t live there anymore. Why? What or who took my place?
My Moe please answer me,
how could I not be?
I gave you my life, my heart,
my children, our children, all all I am.
I fear you have found something that’s not good and far from what I am.
Please dear God I don’t understand.